So I finally beat my anxiety and forced myself go to the gym. It took me about 3 months… but I finally did it. Mostly, because my doctor and parents have been on my case that I have to go at least 3 times a week. No, I’m not overweight, it’s supposedly a must for bipolar people, because it helps with depression.
I woke up today – tired, sad, suicidal and really, really unmotivated. Almost numb. So I took caffeine pills to get rid of the drowsiness caused by my meds and forced myself to the gym. The first moments were horrifying. I was scared that people would judge me and stare. But once I got into it, I realised that my doctor is right. I pushed hard and did my favourite workout – cardio + legs/butt. I came out of the gym feeling a lot better. Though I still feel a bit down and self-conscious, I am not suicidal. I am not aggressive. And I have something to look forward to now – tomorrow’s workout.
I know it won’t solve all my problems, but it sure helped with my mood. Didn’t they say – the best things happen outside of your comfort zone? I know it’s not a big step, but I am proud of myself for finally getting there. It will be a battle every day, but I hope it will be worth it