It’s a bizarre thing – this cycle of self-sabotage. Procrastination, lack of motivation. When even the smallest tasks take too much of your willpower and energy. You find it difficult to get out of bed, to run your errands or even eat. You’re just too tired. There isn’t any reason behind it and you don’t really know when it will stop.
I have not left my house in 2 and a half days, I am just too scared to face the world. I am too scared of people seeing me. World is a scary place when you just want to disappear. I hate not being able to motivate myself. I hate feeling this tired even though I just woke up. This isn’t what my life was supposed to be. This isn’t what I want.
It is hard to explain, but the thought of seeing anyone, including my flatmates, gives me such bad anxiety, I’d rather stay in bed and watch another day go down the drain. It’s just so hard getting out of bed, when there is no one around. And why would you care, in the end we all know you don’t really care if you die.